Where Do We Go From Here?
by Spike's luv 13
Summary: Alternate Season 6. Buffy decides to get over her depression and learn how to drive. But when everyone else falls through, will Spike be the teacher she needs? And will she pay the price he demands?
1. Decisions, life changes, and uncertainty

**Where do we go from here?**

**Chapter 1: Decisions, Life Changes, and Uncertainty**

"I'm going to learn how to drive." Buffy announced. The gang looked up: Giles from his book and tea, Willow and Tara from their ancient scroll, Xander from his work schedule, Anya from her bridal catalogue, and Dawn from her homework. Buffy, who until that moment had been somewhere other than the middle of the Magic Box, looked around the room. Xander was the first to speak. "Buffy what's wrong with us driving you, I mean...Will, help me out here?" Willow's eyes widened searching for the words. "Buffy, you remember when Giles and your mom were young and let you drive?" Buffy nodded. "I've matured since then and..." she broke off glancing at a sunbeam on the floor. Anya broke in. "I think if Buffy wants to learn how to drive then let her! Besides it's better than letting her sit around here missing Heaven. I think it's the least we can do!" Everyone glanced nervously at Buffy who smiled weakly. "Thanks Anya." Giles cleared his throat. "Of course Buffy, if you truly wish to learn I'm sure we could find a suitable teacher." Buffy grinned. "I knew you'd be the one to teach me Giles! It's the fatherly role after all." Giles glanced up eyes wide. "Me?! I was thinking perhaps an instructor, or a stunt man." Buffy laughed. "No Giles you teach me. It'll be great. Go bring your car around I'll be right out."

She stepped into the alleyway to see the familiar figure in the shadows and was amazed at how he was there when she needed, but didn't want him. Her shadow of a Guardian Angel. 'Yeah Guardian Angel my butt' she thought. She walked into the blinding sun and continued into the enveloping darkness. "What're you doing out here Spike?" He smiled. "Well I figured you'd come out here sooner or later and I thought we should talk about what happened the other night. Then I heard you needed driving lessons and decided to get Rups off the hook." Buff looked at him and could still feel her lips sizzling from their kiss a few days ago. She wanted so badly to feel that, anything, again. But she couldn't let it happen. If her friends found out...this just couldn't continue. It didn't matter if he was smiling with those utterly sexy lips. It really didn't matter that she could see the ripples of his muscles under his nicely tight, black t-shirt. And it completely didn't matter that those sexy light blue eyes were radiating desire and penetrating into her soul. She shook her head as an attempt to return to the previous conversation. "Why would you teach me? Besides Giles is happy to do it!" Spike sighed. "Look Slayer, Rupert thinks you'd be better off driving a bulldozer. I'm just offering you a teacher who's a little harder to kill…If you're willing to pay the price." He finished seductively stepping dangerously close to her. She felt her heartbeat pick up and apparently so did he because he chuckled and stepped even closer. She loved this feeling. Just to have any sort of feeling at all running through her veins. Being with Spike gave her a sense of finally being truly alive and actually belonging to the world she lived in. She raised an eyebrow attempting to put on her sarcastic voice. "And what price is that?" He smiled and was so close to her she could hear his pseudo breathing, smell the ever present smoke, whisky, and leather that was Spike and such a comfort to her, could feel the cold radiating from his skin onto hers, even in the California heat and she wanted so badly to lose herself to those smirking lips. He looked down at her. "We finally have an honest conversation, without the violence, about what happened between us."

His smirk was gone, replaced by a shy, scared, and weak smile. Buffy blinked, looking confused at his sincerity and vulnerability. She looked at him and knew she couldn't do it, she just wasn't ready. Not yet. She stepped back, into the sunlight, where he couldn't follow her. He tried to mask the hurt in his eyes. She shook her head. "Giles...is waiting." She looked at him, then down, whispering "I'm sorry. I just can't yet." It was so soft that only with vampire hearing could Spike even hear it. She backed away but could feel her friend, her ally, her protector really, staring after her and for some reason she felt like weeping.


	2. The frightening of Rupert Giles

**Where do we go from here?**

Authors Note: Hi there…sorry I forgot to add my disclaimer and introduction in the first chapter. This is 'Where do we go from here?' You've read the summary so I won't bore you but I hope you like it. Even if you don't, your flames will be used to roast my marshmallows!!!

Disclaimer: I own nothing…nada…zip…the big goose egg. Buffy and everything all belongs to Joss…he's simply wonderful enough to allow me to play with it. He owns my universe so I guess I can't be too bitter.

**Chapter 2: The Frightening of Rupert Giles**

Giles was a strong man. He'd been a rebel in his younger years, calling on the powers of darkness and all. He'd encountered thousands of demons during his time as a Watcher but he didn't know if anything was as terrifying as driving with his Slayer. She drove like a mad woman and Giles feared for his car, and his life. When she first got in Giles thought things would be fine. She looked slightly preoccupied but she knew how to adjust the mirrors, slide her seat forward and turn on the car. She even remembered to take off the emergency brake and put it in the correct gear. But then when she started going, she went! She snapped mostly out of her daze and drove like a NASCAR driver. Giles had never seen the scenery of Sunnydale fly by as it did when she pressed her foot to the gas pedal. He wondered if his car could take the stress.

They couldn't have gone 10 blocks before Giles demanded they pulled over. "Buffy, you know I care for you deeply, I think of you as the daughter I never had, so for the sake of saving your life...maybe you should simply take the bus." Buffy looked at him and she could hear Spike's words echoing around her head. She tried to block them out as she looked at Giles. What could she say to show him how much she wanted this? There was nothing she could say. She nodded quietly and allowed Giles to drive them to her house

Of course she didn't really want to go home, that's where the people were. They all doubted her. She knew she couldn't drive but that didn't give them the right to discourage her. She never questioned their dreams of being shop owners, or crazy powerful Wiccas, or marrying demons! It was their fault she was trying so hard to change...to be happy. She mentally scolded herself. She refused to show how depressed she really was. She was going to change…she was going to actually be happy instead of pretending. She couldn't go into the darkness of the depression that welcomed her.

Instead of going in to the house, she walked around and sat on her back porch. She sat down smiling as she felt his familiar presence. "Spike, you might as well come out and sit down." He emerged from the shadows, just as gorgeous and just as off limits as this morning…as he would be for eternity. He sat down beside her. She sighed, "How is it you always find me when I'm miserable?" She didn't even look up as she said it, instead she looked into the yard, feeling a sense of déjà vu from when she had found out her mother was sick. He was always around when she was miserable, when she was vulnerable, when she really needed him most. He smiled softly almost reading her thoughts, scooted closer, and pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. "Because you're always alone and you go into the darkness. So really pet," he said moving even closer, his eyes locked on hers with a soft smile at her quickening pulse. "You are the one who finds me." He was so close Buffy could feel his lips on hers, just like this morning.

Buffy opened her mouth to whisper an apology at her actions earlier, but he smirked and ruined the moment Spike style, by saying, "so Slayer, admit I'm right, pay the price and I'll teach you how to drive." She stifled an exasperated scream. She stood furiously. "Spike you're such an idiot! Why is it that just when I think you're a decent…thing, you go and open that big mouth of yours? I will learn to drive without your cocky attitude getting in my way!" She slammed the kitchen door behind her and Spike sighed, rising. He could feel the burning of tears behind his eyes. He lit a cigarette and turned to go. "Great job Spike, way to show the girl you love her." He cursed silently and walked into the night.


	3. Willow's terrifying attempt

**Where do we go from here?**

Authors Note: You know after really reading what I've written I've started to wonder if I should've put Angst instead of Humor. I promise I am a funny person but season 6 Buffy is so dark to me. So maybe it's an Angstmor or a Hugst. Hm…okay well the point is I hope you like it, whatever it is.

Disclaimer: Joss owns it all…I own nothing yada yada yada…I don't know why I even have to bother. If I owned Buffy I sure as heck wouldn't be playing with it here.

**Chapter 3: Willow Terrifying Attempt**

Willow looked at Xander then back down at their hands. She couldn't believe her eyes. Even with all the magic she had learned, she had lost rock, paper, scissors. "Xander come on! I can't even drive that well!" Xander laughed, mentally congratulating himself on an easy victory; Willow always chose paper. "Willow, you drive like a textbook." Willow crinkled her eyebrows, confused. Xander tried to figure out his own statement. "Well like a driving textbook…from driver's ed. Did we have textbooks in driver's ed?" Willow paused thinking about his statement and about Buffy. Buffy, her best friend, who had died twice saving the world, who had saved her more than once, and who had forgiven Willow for dragging her out of Heaven. She sighed. "Fine, I'll get Tara to come with me. Maybe there's a spell." She broke off remembering her and Tara's argument from nights before. She walked away then came back. "I think we had a small textbook. More a pamphlet if I remember correctly. But if we can't do it then it'll be your turn Xander Harris!" She glared at him and stuck out her tongue and strode off. Xander laughed. After all, what were the odds of Willow not totally acing something?

The chances, as it turned out, were very good. Willow and Tara roused Buffy the next morning, but their driving adventure turned out just as interesting as Giles's had. Buffy was still furious over Spike's behavior the night before and drove like she could picture driving over him. It finally became increasingly obvious to Tara the extent of Buffy's emotional issues. She put the car in auto drive with a simple incantation from the backseat. Willow felt the sudden change and turned around from the passenger's seat to smile softly at her lover. Tara then tried to peer into Buffy's mind without alerting her. She was suddenly flooded by a rush of images, sounds, and feelings.

She saw Angel, or someone she recognized by the name Angel and felt sorrow and the small flicker of a first love, a dimmed love. She saw Riley and felt regret but the resolve of acceptance hit her. Then she saw Spike. At first she didn't realize it was him. She simply saw his eyes and felt electric sparks flooding her veins, she saw his lips, his hair, and she saw a cape of leather. She could smell his comforting smell; she heard his offer to teach her to drive, and the price. Then she saw, in a very high definition way, Buffy and Spike locked in a passionate embrace. She pulled out of Buffy's mind as a sense of confusion, annoyance, and something else, flooded her conscience making her whimper in agony. But it wasn't her agony it was Buffy's. Buffy was in agony. Tara was just confused. Although Buffy mourned leaving Heaven she felt other feelings; mostly when she was around Spike. Tara crinkled her eyebrows and heard Buffy's words in her head. "What do I call this feeling for Spike? What do I say to him? Should I just talk to him? What do I do?"

Willow looked at Tara, who looked slightly pale. Tara released the auto drive, causing the car to lurch forward suddenly. Buffy slammed on her brakes, just before on-coming traffic came. They screamed and Willow put up a force field causing everything to continue going on except them. The car was transported in a flash of light blue, pink, and a slash of black, to its parking spot in front of the Magic Box. Willow exhaled and wiped the blood from her nose. Buffy simply sat there in a shocked silence. "I'm sorry," was all she could manage to say, and even uttering those words didn't attempt to relieve the guilt and agony she was feeling because those words didn't go deep enough. Willow looked at her, her eyes purely black. "Buffy you could've-" Willow started before Tara interjected, "But s-she didn't, Willow. She's g-going through a lot. I'm s-sorry Buffy but maybe it's for the b-best." Willow sighed, her eyes returning to their normal color. "I'm sorry I got cranky Buffy." Buffy shook her head. "Don't be Will. It's my fault." Willow smiled weakly and hugged her. "I'll see you at the house." Tara smiled and got out of the car too. Then she turned around and leaned into the window where Buffy still sat. "Maybe you s-should talk to Spike b-before you try again." Buffy looked at Tara confused, and then deciding not to even bother at questioning the woman's knowledge, nodded. Tara smiled at her and walked into the Magic Box with Willow. Buffy leaned back into the seat and cried.


	4. The astonishing maturity of XanderHarris

**Where do we go from here?**

**Chapter 4: The Astounding Maturity of Xander Harris**

Willow failed. If Willow the Wonder Witch couldn't do it, then how was he, Xander Harris supposed to do it? He'd barely learned how to drive a skateboard. Sure he had his license and the Xander-mobile but he was hardly the world's best driver. Anya didn't even know how, even though she assured him she was an excellent teacher. How could they teach Buffy how to drive? Would she even want them to after the day she'd had? Xander sighed and went to get Anya and the car.

Buffy still sat in the car hours later. She had finally stopped crying but had reached a stage of dazed stupor. She barely heard Spike slide into the passenger's seat. She suddenly saw a flask shine before her eyes and she smiled softly, remembering the night she had gotten uber drunk before they had kissed. She shook her head and Spike rummaged around in one of his coat pockets. She often wondered what he kept in there besides cigarettes. He pulled out, and placed in front of her face, a chocolate bar. Buffy smiled at him. She took the candy bar, much to the relief and pleasure of Spike. She took a piece of it and slid it into her mouth. Its sweet chocolaty taste brought her back to reality. She turned slightly and saw those bright blue eyes looking at her, concerned. His concern confused her. She had no idea what she should do. She continued looking at him.

She felt her heart beating, her breath quickening, and her body sizzling. She wanted this feeling to stay. She wanted it more than anything thing else in the world. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, she was going crazy. She kissed him. The feeling rushed into her like a tidal wave. At first Spike was too shocked to move; but he finally succumbed to what he truly wanted. He was the first to pull back, feeling like an idiot even as he did. He opened his mouth to say something, anything really, but she stopped him before he said something to ruin what had just happened. She kissed him softly and smiled her first real smile since she had returned. "Not yet. Not right now." She whispered kissing him once more before getting out of the car, leaving Spike more confused than ever, but not caring in the least.

Xander watched the scene in astonishment. Anya looked at him wonderingly. "Does Buffy love Spike now?" Xander scoffed, disgusted. "No way would she fall for Captain Peroxide! I don't know what that was." He finished weakly, breaking off confused. Anya looked at him. "I think they were kissing. Usually people in love do such a thing." Xander looked at her. "Ahn, I so don't need sarcasm right now! This can't be happening." With that he stormed over to the car and dragged Spike out, saying, "c'mon Bleach Boy. Let's have a chat." He slammed Spike up against the wall of the Magic Box. Spike silently accepted the partial beating and simply thanked his lucky stars that he had found Buffy as the sun was setting. Xander slammed him again, harder this time. "What are you doing with Buffy? You are an evil, blood sucking fiend. I don't know why she didn't stake you from the get go!" Anya ran over and tried to pull Xander off of Spike. "Xander, what're you doing?" Xander shrugged her off. "Stay out of this Anya, he's evil!" Anya looked at him. She shook her head, still fighting with him. "Xander he doesn't kill anymore. He loves Buffy. Leave him alone!" Xander whirled around while still keeping his hands on Spike, pinning him against the brick. "Anya he used to kill, that's what matters!" Anya looked at him, allowing the pain of his statement to show in her face, as sharp as if he had slapped her. "So did I Xander." She said quietly, angered. When he ignored her she ran into the Magic Box.

She ran past Giles, who was looking rather confused as he peered at her from over his ancient demon Codex, and into the training room. She almost ran right into Buffy who smiled at her, a real smile, and Anya felt horrible that her fiancé was beating up the reason for that smile. When Buffy saw the look on Anya's face her smile vanished. "What is it Anya?" Anya felt her first pang of true guilt as she told Buffy what was going on. As Buffy's face paled and she ran blindly towards her friend and her…Spike, Anya paused to marvel at the expression Buffy had. Anya had never seen that expression on many people before, except when she happened to find time to catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror some nights. She ran off towards them as she continued to wonder about that look.

Buffy ran towards the alley's end where she heard yelling and the unpleasant sound of a body hitting brick. "Xander, stop it!" she screamed, running as she saw the beaten Spike turn to her as Xander paused to look at her. "Buffy…" Spike rasped, and then realizing how pathetic he sounded cleared his throat. "I didn't touch the whelp, he attacked me!" His shoulders slumped as he realized he still sounded pathetic. "Just get 'im off me!" Xander turned his attention back to Spike and slammed him into the wall again and followed it up with another punch. Spike's face was already beaten and bruised but not as badly as Buffy had seen it before. Still the beating had to end. She grabbed Xander's arm before he could get another hit in. "Xander, what are you doing?" she asked hysterically. Xander turned around to look at her. "What are you doing? Kissing this monster? Are you insane?" Buffy winced as his sharp words sliced at her heart. "Xander-" she started but didn't even know where to begin. How to explain what Spike meant to her. Thankfully she didn't have to.


	5. The unique understanding of Anya

Where do we go from here

**Where do we go from here?**

**Chapter 5: The Unique Understanding of Anya**

Anya ran around the corner and saw Buffy's utter helplessness. She ran up and stood in front of Buffy, directly in Xander's view. Xander looked at her, slightly shamefaced but not enough to let Spike go. Buffy saw Spike flinch and wondered how Xander could do so much damage to the vampire's body. What she didn't know was that after Spike's nightly sarcasm rally with her he had walked right into a trap set by a gang of demons who didn't take lightly to the vampire's new loyalties. Nor did she know that because of how bad he'd felt about their conversation, he hadn't fought back well. Anya shook her head at Xander. "Xander, what's the matter with you? Are you possessed by some demon?" She stepped right up to him and looked at Spike. "He hasn't done anything but be in love Xander. If that's a crime then we're both guilty. Xander, what would you do if that was me?" she asked touching Spike's shoulder. "How would you feel if Buffy had attacked me like this when we had first started dating? I'm just as guilty as he is." Xander paused. "But this is different…he's not her fiancé." Anya looked up at him, almost weeping. "Xander, I wasn't always your fiancée either. At one point I was just a girl you loved, and who loved you. If you're going to punish Spike for loving Buffy then I need to be punished for loving you. And if this is the punishment for love I deserve worse. Because I don't just love you Xander Harris; I breathe you. I live you, and I live for you. I was made to love you and I do love you, in every sense of the word. Regardless of how many men I've killed, or the fact that when we first met I was still a demon, I love you. I've been waiting for something like you for a thousand years. You can't punish Spike for his love because it's too similar to mine. If he gets punished, then so do I. Can you do that Xander? Can you?"

By the time she had finished tears were streaming down her cheeks and tears had welled in Buffy's eyes. Xander looked ashamed and awed with silent tears trailing down his face, and Spike's jaw was clenched in an attempt to stop the fiery burn of his own unshed tears from boiling over. Xander looked down and Spike and the two shared an unspoken truce and Xander let him go. Xander looked down at his feet and back up at Spike who was barely supporting himself. "I'm sorry. I was just…I'm sorry." He walked toward Anya and enveloped her in his arms as her shoulders shook. "I'm so sorry Anya. I love you more than life itself. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me Ahn. I can't live without you." Anya nodded and looked up into his eyes, the normal gleam reappearing in her own. "Then you should make it up to me. In a way that involves many hours of makeup sex." Xander laughed and nodded. He turned to Buffy who was starring helplessly at Spike who had slid down the brick wall and was clutching his stomach. "Buffy, I'm so sorry. I know that doesn't mean anything but…I thought I was, I don't know, protecting you, I guess. I know that doesn't make up for it, but I thought I was doing the right thing." Buffy looked at him with wide eyes. "I know Xander. But if you try to protect me like that again I'll…" she managed to control herself. "I forgive you Xander. It's him you need to worry about." Then on a thought she turned back to him, an icy stare gleaming in her eyes. "Don't touch him ever again."

Then she hugged Anya and whispered her silent thanks to the woman who she'd come to think of as a sister, almost as close to her as Dawn or Willow. She hugged Xander quickly, to take the harsh edge off of her words, because even though he'd harmed her protector, he was still one of her best friends and she'd always forgive him. She walked over to Spike and bent in front of him. Spike opened his eyes and Buffy could see the damage to him went beyond what Xander had done. Buffy actually wondered if she had done some of that damage; none of the physical, but the emotional damage she could see in his eyes. It was those scars and wounds that most concerned her because she didn't know if even vampire healing would be enough to heal them.


	6. Buffy plays doctor

Where do we go from here

**Where do we go from here?**

Authors Note: OMG if I had realized that I had left the story in such a cliffy before chapter 5 I would have updated decades ago!! I apologize to all you loyal readers who probably have forgotten what this story's about and had to go back and reread it (believe me I feel your pain!!) I beg at your probably freakishly adorable feet that you will keep reading and reviewing because I love the comments!! Shoot even if you hate the story I'd like to know why!! I thank all of you who have already reviewed (especially since you all flattered me so much!!). I hope you enjoyed Anya's speech as it was quite an interesting thing to write. Basically I had to channel my best friend and just made her super sappy hehe. Okay here's chapter 6 and I hope you enjoy it 'cause this is my favorite chapter so far!!

Disclaimer: You know the drill, in case you can't remember be sure and go back to whatever chapter had the flippin disclaimer in it!! Hehe I'm not bitter at all…maybe a little…

**Chapter 6: Buffy Plays Doctor**

Buffy bent down lower and slid her shoulders underneath Spike's arm and easily lifted him. He grunted and held his arm harder to his abdomen. Buffy saw blood already staining the pale arm around his stomach and knew she had to hurry. There was no way she could walk fast enough like this and she knew Spike wouldn't let her carry him. Suddenly she spotted Giles's car. She could go get him to drive them but he wouldn't understand why she wanted to save him. She could feel Spike getting heavier and heavier as his strength faded while his blood seeped out. She was running out of time and options.

She carried Spike to the car and laid him in the back seat stripping her jacket off to cradle his head with. She ran around and slid into the driver's seat, grateful Willow had forgotten to retrieve the keys from earlier, and started to drive. It was as though a veil had been lifted, as though she had been blindfolded all the other times she'd been driving. It was a remarkable feat, quite like an ordinary woman lifting a car off her child, except Buffy could do that easily. She drove all the way to the cemetery and didn't kill anyone on the way, but she didn't even notice. All she cared about was getting Spike home and taking his clothes off. She almost slammed on the brakes and mentally corrected herself, "get him home and bandage him." She shook her head to clear the images of the earlier thought.

Finally they crossed into the cemetery grounds and she parked the car. She looked into the mirror and her heart stopped, Spike wasn't there! She whirled around in her seat and almost slapped herself in stupidity. "Vampire. Mirror. Moron." She pulled him out of the car and they walked to his crypt. She kicked open the door, something she was quite used to by now, and helped Spike down the stairs to his lower level. She laid him down on the bed and looked around for a bathroom. Astonished, she found a small shower behind a heavy curtain and a medicine cabinet beside that. She had always wondered why he smelled so clean; not that other vampires smelled bad, but Spike never smelled of death like so many others had to her. She pulled out the hydrogen peroxide and bandages and walked back to him. He was struggling to sit up. She ran to the bed and tried to softly push him back down. "Spike you need to rest!" He pulled away from her in protest. "I'm fine Slayer! Just need a pint and a day's rest. Don't need your molly coddling!" She pressed down harder. "It's not molly coddling it's…" 'What is it?' she asked herself. 'How do I explain it to him without knowing myself?'

She glanced around the room and instantly formed a plan that would be going against everything she'd ever sworn to herself. Spike was definitely not making this easy for her. "Spike," she groaned in anguish. "Please stop fighting me. You need to be bandaged, otherwise you won't heal right!" He shook his head. "Slayer I-" he broke off as Buffy threw herself over top of him, careful not to bang his injuries. She looked him dead in the eye. "Stop trying to distance yourself from me. You know my name, say it!" He looked at her astonished by the raw emotion in her eyes. "Buffy." He said startled by how hoarse his voice was. Buffy's heart sped up and she leaned closer to him. "Thank you William." She whispered as their lips met.

Their passion ignited and when Spike nipped at her bottom lip she gasped slightly it allowed Spike's tongue to invade her mouth. Their tongues battled for dominance and the heat of the kiss intensified. Buffy slid her hands under Spike's top and ran her fingertips over the strong muscle that was there. She could feel him wincing even though her fingers were simply ghosting over his flesh. She could feel cuts and bruises, and, as she pressed a little harder, a broken rib. With a mixture of self-loathing at what she knew would follow and desire to simply do what she was doing anyway, she stripped Spike of his shirt and threw it across the room, while he did the same with hers. She slid her hands down to his hands and captured his wrists with her own small hands sliding them over his head. She couldn't believe it had come down to this. There were two voices screaming inside her, one telling her that this plan was the best thing for Spike and the other telling her that this was wrong and she should be with Spike because she wanted to be, and oh did she want to be. "Buffy," he whispered and her heart stopped, she could barely breathe as she waited for the next words out of his mouth. Both of the voices in her head were silent as he whispered, "I love you." Buffy winced at his emotional words and knew that what she was doing was wrong, but it was far too late for anything but remorse now. She kissed him again hoping to flood his mouth with her apologies simply by kissing him and then pulled away slightly. "Please don't hate me." He pulled back slightly to look at her, confused by her statement as it clicked, literally. He looked at her, shock and betrayal lighting his blue eyes, and pulled his hands uselessly. Not only were his pale wrists captured by the silver handcuffs but those handcuffs had been chained to his bed. He growled angrily. "Didn't know you had it in you Slayer." The statement usually would have held an innuendo but the statement was anything but playful.

She got off of him and went to retrieve the hydrogen peroxide. "Why?" he asked, still angry but almost amused. She turned slightly towards him. "You need to heal." He threw his head to the side, tugging his writs all the while. "Bugger that. Why do you care? Aren't I just some evil fiend?" She looked at him shocked and ashamed. "No Spike. You are so much more than that." She hung her head slightly. "I might not always act like it, or act like it at all actually, but you mean something to me." She walked over to the corner of the room to pick up her top and crossed back to grab the bandages from the table she'd laid them on. He watched her walking away and loved her even more, something he hadn't thought possible. She walked back over to the bed and dropped her top at the foot of it.

She put some hydrogen peroxide on the wounds. Neither one commented on the fact that he had stopped fighting. He felt her wince as he winced and watched her eyes grow wide in shock at the extent of the damage. He wanted to say something but he didn't know what. He let her bandage him and didn't even comment when she had to slide her arms around him to get the bandages around. He simply let the soft smell of lavender from her hair mingle with the intoxicating scent of her skin and the let the scent envelope him. He basked in the warmth radiating from her and quietly enjoyed the fact that she'd forgotten to put her shirt back on.

When she had finished she sat on the foot of the bed, facing away from him and slid her shirt back on. He simply stared at her, wonderingly. She hadn't told him she loved him, but it had been pretty bloody close. Finally he cleared his throat. "Buffy, luv, I think you can take these off of me now." She turned to him, waiting for the crude jokes, but none came and she felt even more ashamed than before. She walked to the edge of the bed and started to unlock the cuffs. Spike turned his head slightly so he wouldn't be in direct eye line of her chest. When they finally unlocked, Spike pulled his hands form them and rubbed his cut and raw wrists. The guilt was drowning Buffy and she didn't know what to do. She sat beside him. "I'm so sorry Spike." He looked at her. "No need Slayer. I'm no worse off. Actually better now. If I wasn't such a poofter you wouldn't have had to resort to your feminine charms." He smiled at her, trying to reassure her with a mild joke.

Without getting up, he touched her shoulder gently, hesitantly, and ran his thumb over the soft skin there. She gazed at him, the unshed tears shining brightly in her eyes. He wanted to make her smile. God knows he wanted that more than anything else on the bleeding earth. Something, anything, to bring that bright beacon of light back to her face. He had it! He snapped up quickly only to bellow out in pain. She winced and quickly checked his stomach to make sure he hadn't ripped anything. "Buffy," he exclaimed excitedly but she cut him off. "Spike you need blood, that's the only way you'll heal." Then an idea popped into her head. She slid her hair back and extended her neck. Spike's light blue eyes widened and he pulled away from her slightly. "Buffy I just need animal blood. I don't…" She looked at him incredulously. "Spike, it's partially my fault you're like this and human blood makes you heal faster. This," she said pointing to her exposed neck, "is Slayer blood. You'll be good as new in no time!" "Buffy I would never…I could never…" He didn't have the words. What she was talking about was insanity. True, part of him was dying to sink his teeth into her pale flesh, but not for her blood. He wanted to be the one whose mark she wore. It was an insane and possessive thought but he had it all the same. But he would never, not for her blood. It was the ultimate sacrifice for her and he loved her too much to use her as food. "No." The word was simple and yet it held so much emotion and meaning. She smiled up at him. "I figured you'd say no but I had to offer anyway." He looked at her smile and relaxed visibly. "Looks like I passed the test huh love?" Then his eyes lit up and a mischievous smile brightened his face. "Does that mean Peaches failed?" He laughed evilly and it was contagious and soon both he and Buffy were laughing so hard they were crying.

Their laughter slowly died away and they were left looking at each other in awkward silence. He looked at her and his eyes twinkled. "Buffy are you still lookin for a teacher?" She looked at him, her eyes growing wide. "Are you serious?" He nodded and she threw herself on him hugging him tightly. This was new. They had kissed, rather heatedly in fact, but hugging was something intimate and simple a gesture and that was very new. "Spike, thank you so much. You have no idea what this means to me." He chuckled slightly. "No pet I don't. But I'm happy to find out." They sat there hugging in silence. He buried himself in her hair and played softly with the ends. She cuddled into his shoulder and inhaled his soothing scent. "Love…" "Mmm?" Buffy mumbled. "You're squeezin me a bit tight. Not complainin myself, but the old ribs have something to say bout it." She laughed, "Sorry." She loosened her grip, but refused to let go, something Spike would be eternally grateful for. The question running through both of their minds as they held each other was simply and yet not so simply, 'where do we go from here?'


	7. Just a little static electricity

Authors note: Okay so I realize it's been practically a century since I've updated and for that I apologize sincerely!!! However I am back (and better than ever) and I intend to keep this story going because it means too much for me to just give up and put it on hiatus!!! So I (along with my amazing and wonderful Beta chrisVIII who gave me some much needed criticism in order to keep me on track with the characters as they were in Joss' mind) present to you Where Do We Go From Here? Please enjoy!!!

Disclaimer: Ya know what??? I own it all *evil laughter* yeah that's right I own everything!!!! I own Joss even!!!! Be jealous be jealous!!! Wait hang on a second *answers phone* "Yeah? Oh…uh huh…I see…yes of course Mr. Whedon sir…I apologize…Buh bye…" Okay well according to Joss I don't own anything and if I continue to say so I'll be sued for every penny I have (and I don't have many) and left to rot in jail…so…I don't own anything…but I will!!!!! *EVIL LAUGHTER fades to faint coughing*

**Where Do We Go From Here?**

**Chapter 7: Just A Little Static Electricity**

It was his fault really. He figured a road trip would give her a break from her friends and problems, give her a chance to drive on the highway, and maybe even give them a chance to talk. He had really good intentions. Then again we all know where the road paved with good intentions leads to…

The cemetery was cool and the only noise around was the rustling of leaves. Buffy leaned against the car, waiting for Spike to show up. She was parked in the cemetery just as she had been instructed when he called. The phone call had been brief only giving minimal instructions and offering no explanation. They hadn't talked about what had happened the other night and Buffy was extremely grateful. She didn't know how to explain what had happened. It was quite obvious that she'd been so fearful for Spike's life, or unlife as the case may be, that she'd done the impossible and driven without killing twenty old ladies in the process. She didn't really know how to feel about that. Why had she cared so much? Why had she cared period? That was something that scared her. She didn't know. Buffy was constantly in control of her life and being with Spike, feeling whatever it was she felt for him, made her lose that control. That night was so out of character, especially hugging him, that was something she didn't know if she'd ever be able to explain, but God it had felt so right!

Buffy stood up straighter and scolded herself. Well it didn't change things! She couldn't just start hugging strange vampires off the street! Okay so Spike wasn't just some random vampire, he was her friend…sort of. Buffy sighed in exasperation. She didn't know what the hell was going on. It was truly amazing that the one person she could stand to be around was the one person that made her really long for the simplicity of Heaven. She sighed again. How ironic that Spike, the vampire she had accused of not being able to have emotions, was the one person who could make her feel some. 'Well that's a disturbing thought.' Buffy shook her head. 'Where's something to kill when ya need it?' Suddenly a vampire launched at her from behind a crypt. "Wow, God really does answer prayers huh?" she asked the vampire before punching him brutally, sending him flying. He growled her, "Slayer!" She rolled her eyes. "Who else would it be, Santa?"

Spike walked out of his crypt, stolen bag in hand. He smiled slightly to himself, quite proud of his ingenious plan. The Slayer was going to love him for this. He stopped in his tracks. 'Love him?' His smile faltered. That was never going to happen. Spike knew she cared for him, even if she didn't want to admit it. But he also knew that no matter how much he tried to deny it, he wasn't going to be able to win her love like he desperately wished. 'So then what's the point mate? If you know she's never going to give you that crumb?' Before Spike could think about it further he heard the sounds of fighting coming from the exact location he'd told the Slayer to park. He raced towards the sounds and stopped short at the sight of her. He watched her fight, her blonde hair flirting with the night air. Her gentle curls bouncing almost joyfully as she landed hit after hit. Her bright hazel eyes gleaming with a spark that he hadn't seen in a long time. Her heartbeat was pounding in his ears, a glorious sound that he could feel from head to toe, even in the practically empty cavity that held his long dead heart. He could feel his chest heave in time with her heartbeat. She was his heartbeat. Spike watched as she staked the vampire, his ashes swirling in the air. He shook the romantic thoughts from his head. 'Guess once a poet always a poet.' He reached out and touched her shoulder slightly.

Buffy felt a hand on her shoulder and she flipped the vampire quickly before jumping on top of him, stake poised above his heart. Spike barely flinched anymore. Buffy pulled the stake back quickly. "Bloody hell, we back to you tryin to kill me again Slayer? Or'd you just wanna be on top of my hot little body?" He raised an eyebrow and ran his tongue seductively along his teeth, leering. She laughed slightly before catching herself. "You're a pig Spike," but for once though the statement held a lot less disgust and a lot more humor. Spike smiled, surprised at the change. "Been called worse in my time. Sorry to startle you pet." She rolled her eyes. "You didn't startle me! I'm the Slayer, I don't get startled! I have anti-startle senses!" Spike grinned up at her, amused by her ramblings. "Oh so you meant for us to end up in this position eh love? Can't say I'm surprised but…" She shook her head and got up, much slower than it would have usually taken; freaking out a little bit by how much force it took to make her body move from its position of straddling Spike's lean body. She was surprised at how much muscle was actually on his form, like a big cat or something else completely predatory. He was lean and every inch of him screamed strength. Well right now every inch of him was screaming something else but Buffy chose to ignore that thought and took a little step back.

Spike breathed a sigh of relief as soon as she was off of him. He really didn't know how much longer he could have controlled himself. He was grinding his teeth and trying to recite some of Shakespeare's sonnets in order to keep his arousal from showing too obviously. God this was just too bloody much. He moved to get up when a small hand appeared before his eyes. He looked up to see Buffy looking down at him; hand outstretched as if it were the most normal occurrence in the world. Then again, Spike really didn't know what was normal anymore. Nothing that was happening between them these days was normal. But Spike definitely wasn't going to be the one to complain. He reached up and grasped her hand as she pulled him up. Her tiny hand was almost completely enveloped by his. Spike could feel the heat from her hand coursing through his own veins, sending electric sparks through his blood making him sizzle. He tried to play off how completely awed he was that this girl, this little wisp of a thing, could make him feel things that no one, not even his own sire Drusilla, had made him feel. Spike felt Buffy yank her hand away and wondered why reality always had to come back and slam the door in this face just when he thought he was getting somewhere. He was glad he had gotten his footing before she had let go because he figured she would have let him fall on his arse.

He instantly regretted moving when he felt his injuries, which for some reason had yet to heal, rip open and send a searing pain throughout his entire body. He hissed his pain and pressed his hand against the wounds forcefully to stop whatever bleeding had begun. Buffy looked at him, still a bit dazed from all the…she shook her head, as though to shake the thoughts away. 'Static electricity Buffy, that's all it was. Don't go making something out of this freak show of a situation!' "Did you open those wounds again?" Spike clenched his jaw at how condescending her tone was. "Nope, no need to worry about Ol' Spike here. You know we Big Bads heal pretty fast Slayer!" She rolled her eyes. "You are so full of it. And you know you're totally telling me what happened on this trip." Spike flashed his cocky smirk and Buffy had to smile at the sight of it. "Gonna make me Slayer? Punish me till I talk?" She rolled her eyes again. "Dream on Spike." He stepped a bit closer, gazing down into her eyes, his seemingly endless blue ones sucking her in. "Always." She blinked a few times and looked away, finding the pavement extremely interesting.

"So, where are we going anyway?" Spike smirked, glad as always that he could get a reaction out of her, which is a lot more than most of those bloody Scoobies could say! He rummaged around in the bag that he'd brought with him and then pulled out his prize a large map of California. "Wherever the hell you want pet! Well, within state limits of course. Can't exactly take an unlicensed driver on the interstate; just the highway for you ducks." Buffy looked up at him her eyebrows crinkled together in a look that always stopped Spike's heart, metaphorically speaking of course. It was almost childlike in innocence and yet held something underneath that had Spike shifting slightly. "Isn't it just as illegal for me to drive on the highway as it is on the interstate? I mean sure I wasn't exactly awake for that part of the lesson but I'm pretty sure that's how this works." Spike smirked slightly but didn't answer the question. "So where'll it be love? San Fran? Sacramento? Anywhere you want." Buffy thought about the question, turning it over in her head. Something about this rang bells in her head. "I was supposed to do something." She thought hard, the memory hazy, barely there, but she could feel it. A promise. "What were you 'sposed to do? Slayer? Buffy?" She shook her head, thinking. "I don't…" she trailed off as the memory flashed brightly before her eyes. She could see herself nodding up to another woman. Her hair was dark, shoulder length; her eyes were startlingly familiar and full to the brim with tears. A promise. The promise. "L.A. I need to go to L.A."

Authors Note: Don't hate me for the cliffy….it's coming I promise!!! Ooh speaking of promises…any guesses??? Any guesses to who the woman is??? The first person with a right answer will get a prize!!! Well not a physical one but I will fulfill one wish from the person with the right answer!!! SO HAVE AT IT!!!! Hehe…


	8. LA or Bust

Where Do We Go From Here?

Authors Note: I know…I'm a horrible person who can't update and deserves to be put in the stocks and forced to watch only Riley's face on repeat for the rest of my life. But that would be cruel and unusual punishment!!! So to avoid having my eyeballs bleed, I'm just going to try and split up the chapters in my head and therefore make things shorter and faster to type. I'm a college student…it's hard to get a spare moment. As I type this I am in Oceanography class learning about "Depositional shorelines"…seriously. I hope you enjoy!!!

Disclaimer: If I owned it, I wouldn't have to play with it now…Plus Spike would be handcuffed to my bed…also he may have been allowed to eat my roommate.

Chapter 8: LA or Bust

Spike's heart stopped. Or it would have if it had been beating. L.A. She wanted to go and see Angel and she was dragging him along for the bloody trip. Tears stung the back of light blue eyes, but Spike pushed them back in favor of the burning rage that was sweeping trough his veins. He rounded on the Slayer, getting ready to tell her that she could visit the poof on her own time, and that he wasn't going to sit in the front seat while they made out like a couple of randy teenagers. But one look at Buffy's face stopped him in this tracks and made him close his mouth, his teeth closing painfully on his tongue, drawing blood. She was so lost. Tears swam in her eyes, and a slight cloud had passed over her beautiful face. She was lost and scared and had no idea what the hell was going on. Spike couldn't begrudge the girl anything. As though she knew his thoughts, she looked up at him with confusion evident in her jade green eyes. "Please Spike…this is important to me." Spike nodded tersely and glanced down at the route they would have to take. He had no idea what lay in store for them.

After Spike had planned the trip, memorizing every stop, he tossed Buffy the keys to his Desoto. She caught them effortlessly and glanced at them. "We're taking your car?" Spike cocked an eyebrow at her. "We're definitely not taking Rups car. I can't stand that sodding thing." She glanced back at Giles' car and figured if it was going to be safe anywhere, it was going to be the cemetery. She'd make sure to call Willow later and let her know it was there. She walked around the back of Spike's crypt and saw his Desoto looking the same as it had so long ago. "Where the hell do you keep this thing?" Spike smiled at her. "Well it 's a long story pet. You'll have to meet a mate of mine sometime, names Clem. He likes to keep the thing, makes him feel special. Course now he's got this bloody awful Volkswagen thing Can't stand that car. It's all small and cramped. I get in it and my knees are up to my eyeballs!" Buffy smiled slightly and Spike was glad that the confusion didn't seem to be drowning her anymore. She was simply wading in it now. He slid into the passenger's seat and Buffy took his lead and slid into the driver's seat, panic starting to become evident on her face. Spike looked at her. "Start the car Buffy."

Se nodded and started the car, her breaths becoming faster with every move she made, until she was practically hyperventilating. Spike looked at her and could feel her heartbeat increase, until it was pounding in his ears. He wished that her heartbeats sudden increase was due to proximity to him, not the fact that she had started a car, but he pushed the thoughts aside to focus on her. "Slayer, look at me." She spared him a quick glance before her knuckles tightened even more on the steering wheel. "Buffy." Spike's voice held a silent command. And this time she turned and looked at him. He grabbed her chin in his hand, his grip not gentle at all. His bright blue eyes held something that she didn't even try to understand as they bore into her own. "Look in my eyes pet. Be in my eyes." Se nodded and the light blue color filled her soul. They reminded her of water. Clear, light blue water that lapped upon a golden beach under a warm summer sun. They were beautiful. A feeling of calm washed over Buffy and she smiled lightly at Spike. He nodded at her. "Now, feel the car." Her eyebrows started to crinkle in confusion but Spike stopped her. "No love, don't think. Just feel. Feel how it moves." His eyes were staring into hers again, and she let his words wash over her. "Imagine that the car is a body. The vibrations of the motor are the breathing of a human. That soft noise you hear is the heartbeat. Feel the car Buffy. Breathe with the car. Let the feeling wash over you." Buffy's eyes slowly shut until her breathing and heartbeat had calmed to an almost resting rate. Spike tried to memorize the way Buffy looked right now. Her eyes closed as though she was sleeping, her lips relaxed into an almost smile, her hair cascading down her shoulders, the gentle rise and fall of her breasts with every breath she took. Her heartbeat a gentle lullaby that sang to him all the promises he knew it couldn't ever fulfill. "Open your eyes Buffy." Buffy's eyes slowly opened and the look in them made Spike speechless. There was perfect peace in them. He could see a taste of the Heaven that had enveloped Buffy. She smiled at him and Spike wondered if he had died and this was Heaven. Had Buffy already wrecked the car and killed them both? He knew it wasn't Heaven because he didn't think that was exactly where he was headed come his final day. Buffy looked at him and some of the Heaven started to seep from her eyes but her look was still full of the calm and understanding that had filled them. "I'm ready Spike."

* * *

Most of the trip was uneventful. Spike had to keep reminding Buffy what the speed limit was, but for the most part she was a perfectly adequate driver. She stayed on the side of caution and for that Spike was grateful. They chatted about small things, avoiding everything that they knew would upset the other. They talked mostly about Dawn and how she was doing in school. It seems Spike knew more than Buffy did about Dawn's situation and she simply listened while he told her how much her sister had changed. Finally they saw the sign, and entered L.A. Both of them dreaded what would happen in this town, but for very different reasons.


End file.
